12:01 p.m. - 2004-07-12
random babble....
Outside smoking a cigarette holding it close to my side every time a car drives by just incase it's my mother. I'm 20, doing things by myself now, yet I'm scared what my of what my mother would say if she knew I still smoked the occasional cigarette.
I need to get more fizz-ease. My hair has been looking rather fluffy since I ran out.
I haven't played with my cats in awhile. I'm not sure if they'll let me so I go slow. I know they want to be petted but they're so faral. They're scared of most human contact. I get close enough to pet one, she dances around me, just out of arms length. I touch her tail. she comes closer. I pet her favorite spots, behind her ears, and in the small of her back. Then I pull away, forcing her to come a little closer..... again, and again. I get bored of this game, get up and sit at the computer. She stays by the pillow where I was sitting. Her head pointed at me. Maybe she's thinking of things she could of done to make me stay. Maybe she's sleeping.
I'll paint my toe nails today before I have to go to work.
I miss having a group of girlfriends to hang out with. To dance with. To laugh with. I miss having someone to keep me company, other than my cats. Maybe I'll talk to the girls at work today. Maybe they'll want to hang out. Maybe they are fun.
I want to live with JOE. I want to have an eventful life. I want a good job. I want my fifteen minuets. A white house with light blue trim. A picket fence. I want to be something. To be thin. To be pretty. To be happy. I want to be able to do it on my own. To be alone. To be independent.
I don't want to do this anymore.
I need to take a shower.
